Has Reality TV Turned Us Into Audition Daters?

Originally posted on www.huffingtonpost.co.uk

With the X Factor ending last week after four months on air, which in all fairness felt more like 10 months, and with the final of Strictly Come Dancing heading our way this weekend it looks as though the reality TV season is finally over for 2012.

However we don't have to wait long for it to start up again as I'm a Celebrity and Dancing on Ice will be back on our screens in the new year, that's if we survive the end of the world, but to be fair if 21 December doesn't kill us the monotony of C list celebrities eating kangaroo testicles and falling over on ice probably will. If we do survive this then we also have Britain's Got Talent, The Voice and more X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing to look forward to as the never ending stream of reality TV sets out to take over our lives again.

As a nation we watch these programmes religiously, I am no exception, as we get involved with the characters and storylines that the press and the shows themselves create. But one thing that has been niggling in the back of my mind for sometime is; have these shows changed the way we now live our lives?

This may sound like a strange question, but if I narrow it down to dating specifically you can see they have.

It appears that the days of meeting and dating are gone and the generation of dating auditions has begun, well it probably begun quite some time ago to be fair. The internet does play a large part in this with the huge rise in internet dating websites that now means it's easier to find a date. So you can get as drunk as you like on Saturday night as you could meet Mr or Mrs right tomorrow whilst online. Smartphones have also contributed as we can now date on the go, Grindr anyone?

But as I was saying it seems as though the X Factor audition process has seeped into the dating world, especially with online dating. Now people can spend hours trolling through thousands of profiles where they can decide if someone doesn't have the right hair, body shape or cloths size to go on a date with them, or they may decide that this person isn't right for the part after reading their profile, where they may find out they're a Satanist or maybe a little too obsessed with cats, either way this lack of sellable personality wouldn't get you through to boot camp on the X Factor or dating boot camp.

However a lucky few may make it to the online conversation where you can discuss yourself with one another, lets be honest many of those who make it to the online chat of internet dating are usually only there for the reason Jedward and Rylan got into the X Factor final, which is usually comedy value or just generally being bored.

Then if this person is lucky enough to go on a date it's like being at judges houses, where you decide to continue dating them the same way Gary would decide whether to put you into his final three. Here you can see if their personality matches up to what was online, or if the smoke and mirrors of the Internet made them appear to be something they weren't.

Either way dating in the digital age has got a set of rules, which coincidently or not mirror that of the X Factor auditioning process. Maybe this is how people have always dated, or maybe it's something we picked up because the formula worked and could be applied to other situations. Either way no matter how you look at it, Simon Cowell and all the other TV executives have changed more than just our Saturday night viewing; they've also changed our love lives.

Issues with pornography aren’t so straight

There has been a constant debate surrounding the issue of pornography over the last few years that has looked at the issue surrounding men and women, and in particular problems such as; women becoming objectified by men, how porn can squash the beauty of a real woman to man, how it’s both sexist and degrading towards women and how porn appears to eroticise rape, which can have a universally detrimental affect on men and more dangerously women.

This issue has been highlighted on multiple occasions and has primarily focused upon the issues surrounding the way men view pornography, and as for quite a few men it is their first introduction into the world of sexual activity, and how it can ultimately affect their view of a woman and create damaging affects for relationships later in life.

Within this issue surrounding pornography there appears to be something that has been overlooked. In the mainstream press, where this topic is covered quite a lot, the key debates surround how heterosexual men consume porn and ultimately treat woman, and how this can be dangerous for the women in question. What is majorly overlooked is the detrimental affect that pornography can have on gay men, because like their straight counterparts gay men consume pornography just as much and for many is their first foray into sexual activity, and for many it can be viewed as their first form of sexual education.

With no system of teaching young gay men about sex or how to have safe gay sex within schools, many young gay men will first be introduced to it through the use of pornography. Even though there are outlets and charities around for boys dealing with their sexuality there is still a pressure of coming out at a young age, and bullying still occurs on a regular basis making it harder for them to approach these outlets. This therefore makes the use of a bedroom laptop with its one click highway to the world of pornography one of the only ways they can learn about such things.

And this can most definitely have an extreme detrimental affect on young gay men.

Firstly there are the major problems it can cause for their self-esteem as young men strive to look like the ripped six-pack wielding stars of these porno films. This issue isn’t just exclusive to the gay community, it can affect straight men and women, as young people struggle to realise that the images portrayed are not that of regular body type. But with 48% of gay men saying they would sacrifice a year or more of their lives in exchange for the perfect body, in a study commissioned by the Central YMCA, the Succeed Foundation and the University of the West of England’s (UWE) Centre for Appearance Research, it is apparent that constant exposure to the perceived ‘ideal’ is having a negative effect on these young men.

But the issues don’t appear to stop there for gay men, with it already appearing to be one of the factors to enforcing negative body image it can also have a harmful effect on day to day lives and self esteem. In gay porn men are frequently seen hooking up at the gym, in a park, in a classroom or from just bumping into someone walking down the street, which can leave a long and impressionable effect on gay men. From seeing this they can assume that gay men hook up everywhere, so the next time they are propositioned they may assume this is the only way to attain sex and continue. You only have to look at the way that social media and smartphone apps are increasing the promiscuity of young gay men. It is seen as the norm now to flick onto Grindr and sleep with the next man within a 30ft radius, or advertise yourself as looking for a casual hook up on Gaydar. This overly sexualised culture can be seen as an offshoot of pornography, where after indulging in it for so long the next step is clearly to use your internet not just for some solo fun but to find the nearest person willing to sleep with you.

This effect to ones self esteem can’t be good as eventually they turn into a real life sex toy for whoever wants them. This is what they see in porn, so why shouldn’t they indulge in it?

This however leads on to the more serious and ultimately most damaging affect of gay pornography on young men. Barebacking, the act of having sex without the use of a condom, is appearing to become ever more popular, you only have to look on websites such as Gaydar to discover how many men are actually looking for it. It doesn’t help that the sales of barebacking porn is completely outselling every other form of gay porn around. This is ultimately self destructive, as a casual barebacking encounter could result in the HIV virus.

HIV rates are on the rise, with new diagnoses in the men who have sex with men group increasing by 70% in the last decade, with more than 30,000 men who have sex with men living with the virus, with an estimated third of these not being aware of it.

With barebacking pornography showing young gay men that this is ok, how long is it until they too have been infected with the disease?

The issue of pornography has been tackled greatly over recent years, but needs to be approached on many more fronts and looked at in all communities. It’s all good warning men of the dangers and saving women from potential risks. But something needs to be done to help save young gay men from themselves and a possible life long illness.

Are we grinding differently?

Originally posted on www.sexandtherecession.co.uk

Since the recession hit back in late 2008 everyone in the country has been tightening those purse strings and holding on to their money tighter than ever.

This however hasn’t come without its setbacks. With people now limiting their expenditure on luxuries such as new clothes, shoes and dining out they have almost become a thing of the past for many people, even everyone’s Saturday nights out have become a victim of the recession and in turn so have their sex lives.

With casual sex no longer being a taboo, in facts it’s far from it with most friendship groups discussing it in the hope they sound oh so Sex and the City, a Saturday night out is where thousands of people around the country get their rocks off with the nearest person on the dance floor. However with these nights out being cut back on considerably, many people who once enjoyed a carefree casual sex life have seen it dwindle dramatically.

Gay men in particular have often been considered as having extremely care free and casual sex lives and in the wake of the recession, with the fear of cut backs on nights out arising, a new creation for the smartphone generation emerged … Grindr.

Grindr is a geosocial-networking app that gay and bisexual men can use to find other gay and bisexual men in a close proximity, in other words they can use it to find the closest quickie. That’s right,Grindr has helped cut out the middle man, in this case the middle man being the club and the alcohol, and has allowed gay men the world over to access sex at the click of a button.

So Grindr has seemingly emerged to save the sex lives of gay men everywhere, after all there are now over two million people using it in 192 across the globe. So even though the recession has hit and people are suffering and cutting back on luxuries, thanks to a free app for most smartphones, the iPod and iPad gay men can still enjoy the free pleasure that is sex.

Many people I know have used this app and continue to use it everyday and their reasons for doing it? It’s quick, easy and best of all free, showing us that the recession has not only hit our bank balances and sex lives, it has also changed the way we approach sex and dating.

There isn’t a version for straight people yet, but with the popularity of Grindr and the way it’s expanding around the world, along with the never ending recession and cut backs and not forgetting our newly developed approaches to dating, it won't be long before everyone is grinding in a completely different way.