Out and proud

Another article I wrote for my University magazine.

Coming out, we all know what it means and we are all quite aware of what it involves, and for many many gay people in the UK and around the world it can be seen as the best and often considered one of the most terrifying things you could do. Now we have all heard the negative and not so nice stories of people coming out, but don’t let this get you down or allow it to frighten you as the place we live today is much different to what it used to be and thousands of young gay people are coming out and are being embraced for who they are. Its 2011 you aren’t going to get chased down the streets with pitchforks.

I spoke to 27-year-old Chris Owen from Warrington, to share his experience of coming out. He told me that he knew that he was gay from a very young age, and came out in his mid-teens to a very positive reaction from friends and family. Here’s what happened:

When did you realise you were gay?

I was quite young really; I think I was about 11 or 12, that’s when I first realised that I started having a thing for boys.

When did you come out?

Well I came out to my friends when I was about 13 or 14, and then I didn’t come out to my parents until a while after that, I think I would have been about 16.

How did your friends react to you coming out?

My friends all knew, they knew all along, I never really kept that much secret from them, don’t get me wrong I did lose some friends but the ones that stuck with me are the ones that I’m still friends with today.

How did you feel about coming out to your parents?

Nervous, the biggest thing I was worried about doing was coming out to my parents, everyone else are just a blip they’re just there and the next thing they’re gone, my parents are there all my life.

How did you think they would react?

Well I thought my mum would have been all right with it and my dad would have gone mad, but they both accepted it I suppose quite quickly.

How did you feel about the reaction to it?

It was a positive one, my mum thought it was a phase and she thought for years that I was just going to grow out of it but then my dad was just like the strong silent type, and my mum was just a silent type, everything just carried on as normal.

Do you feel it helped you be yourself more around your family?

Yeah definitely, I’m definitely more myself because I don’t have anything to hide.

Are you glad you did it?

Yeah I am, if they don’t like me for what I am then they can jog on for all I care.

After listening to Chris' story of how he was accepted by his family and embraced for who he was, I was lucky enough to talk to his mother Sharon to discuss her sons homosexuality and how she felt when he came out, after all the best friend a gay man can have is apparently his mother. Here’s what she told me:

Did you ever think he was gay before he told you?

Yes Chris was always very in touch with his emotions and very caring and his mannerisms were always gentile.

How did you feel when he came out, what was your reaction?

Shocked but not really surprised, shocked because he was only 16 when he told me and I tried to explain that it may only be a phase and to give himself time, but he knew his own mind and I had to respect that.

Did you ever feel like you had anything to do with him being gay, and if so has this changed over time?

No not really, but buying him My Little Ponies when he asked for them did make me think. My thoughts are still the same Chris has the confidence to be his own person and I respect that he’s still my son no matter what.

Did you worry for his safety at all?

Oh yes, especially when he was working in Manchester, I was always worried that he was not streetwise and he would be taken advantage of, and people can be very hypocritical and homophobic and I did not want him to be attacked for his choices in life.

What would you say to other parents whose children have come out who may feel shocked about the situation?

I would say have a cup of tea, take a deep breath and remember that you bring your kids up the best you can and teach them to make choices for themselves and no matter what happens they are always going to be your son or daughter and you will always love them, tolerance and understanding and acceptance is what’s required.

Club, Drugs and Dancing Queens: The Truth...

This is another piece that I recently did for my University magazine project.

Drugs, we’ve all heard of them whether it’s cocaine, heroin, ecstasy or the newer breed of drugs such as ketamine and methadrone. We’ve all been warned of the effects of drugs and the damage they can cause us at some point in our lives. But no matter how dangerous we all know they are and the perilous affects they can have drugs are still a huge fixture when it comes to the gay clubbing scene.

A report published last year by the UK Drug Policy Commission found that LGBT people had a higher use of illicit drugs than their heterosexual counterparts, with around 10% of heterosexuals admitting to taking drugs in the previous year compared with 33% of gay, lesbian and bisexuals.

But why is this? Are drugs more accessible on the gay scene? Is it due to gay people having more disposable income on average than straight people? Is it due to glamorisation in TV shows such as Queer as Folk? Or do gay people feel more of a need to take drugs on a night out?

Well I decided to find out. I interviewed two people from different parts of the country to see whether their experiences with drugs on the gay scene would help me find out why drugs were so big on the gay scene.

John, 27 has lived in Manchester for a number of years and works for a well known mobile phone company and was a regular drug user in his younger years whilst on the gay scene in the cities infamous Canal Street, This is what he told me:

Do you think drugs are a big part of the gay scene?

Definitely everyone in their right mind uses them for some reason. Either to make the night better or to make it cheaper.

Do you feel there’s pressure on the gay scene to take them more than anywhere else or do feel its equally as bad?

I think there’s some pressure out there because you always see people having fun and dancing away and you always think I can do that too, and if you need some kind of chemical assistance the pressures always going to be there.

Have you ever been influenced yourself?

Yeah quite a few times. I wouldn’t say I was influenced but I did it.

Do have any negative experiences?

Oh god I’ve had all sorts of Negative experiences. Wandering aimlessly around Moss Sides in a fish net top and a pair of hot pants because I was off my face, that’s one interesting experience.

So you wouldn’t recommend the use of drugs on a night out?

No I wouldn’t recommend it, I mean I cant tell someone not to do it because everyone’s got to make their own choices but I wouldn’t personally say go out of your way and get off your face.

So what would you say to young people now just going on to the scene about drugs?

There’s more to it than the drugs and the alcohol, go out for a good time not to see how wasted you can get.

Emily, 20 is originally from South Wales but currently resides in Southampton whilst studying for a degree at University, her opinion of drugs on the gay scene differ to Johns as she believes that drugs are accessible in all walks of life and not just on the gay scene, this is what she had to say:

Do you think drugs are a big part of the gay scene?

It can depend; drugs are easily accessible if wanted. I think in many cities drugs are a part of most young peoples nights out, but at the same time I think there are many people whose nights out don’t include any drugs at all. I feel that once someone has dabbled it is more than likely that 25% or more of their nights out will probably include drugs in the future.

Have you ever been influenced to take drugs by people?

It’s hard to say, I wouldn’t like to say influenced on my behalf or theirs but technically I could sit here and explain it all, and everyone would simply say that was classed as me being influenced. I may have been out and a friend may have questioned the option of getting drugs and I may have thought it would be a good idea, and so on. I don’t think I’ve ever been influenced in the sense of feeling like I have to because someone else is.

What bad experiences have you had because of them?

Well quite a few, in many different ways. There have been times where I’ve been physically ill from drugs, sickness at the time and then emotionally for x amount of days after. I’ve also witnessed other people physically and mentally lose control due to drugs. People just get caught up in what’s going on without even realising and it affects them in different ways. I’ve seen some get obsessed with their weight, others forgetting who they were and living with a different personality almost as someone else when on drugs, stealing, turning aggressive. There’s so many side effects post narcotics that may even be oblivious to many.

What would you say to younger people just starting to go out about the dangers of drugs?

It’s hard to advise people on drugs, as everyone will react differently. Obviously to be aware of the consequences you may have to face, and trust me this can lead into a very extensive list of life changing options/changes. If you can face it with the idea of just having fun, then that’s what your more than likely have. But knowing when to draw a line under that fake fun is something to keep in mind. Don’t get me wrong, I myself have had a brilliant time off drugs, but the fun go-er to addict transition can be considered a very blurry area.

After conducting both of these interviews we can see that drugs on the gay scene are a big issue and they are used regularly when it comes to gay clubbing, but after talking with Emily it has also shown me that drugs aren’t just a big issue on the gay scene but in a number of different scenes around the UK. But it still doesn’t answer why drugs are used so frequently on the gay scene. To me it appears that maybe because the heterosexual to homosexual ratio of people in the UK is so vast with only an estimated 10% of people being gay, that there does appear to be more homosexual people taking drugs. But whether this is true or not doesn’t matter, what does is that drugs are out there and they are a problem so be aware and make sure that as a person with your own mind you know the dangers of drugs.                         

*Johns name was changed due to him not wanting to be named

This is Sparta!

Interview with the Manchester Village Spartans:

Sporting activities are one of the most popular past times in the UK with around 16.5% of the adult population (16 and over) in England actively participating in a sport three times a week. But sporting activities are often viewed as being occupied primarily by heterosexuals, with very few openly gay sports stars there still appears to be a taboo lingering over homosexuality and sports. So this month I was lucky enough to meet with the Manchester Village Spartans who go completely against the grain. With a team full of openly gay players, they can regularly be found in a scrum on the playing field participating in one of the manliest sports around, rugby. The Spartans formed in the late 1990s and are still going strong today regularly competing in competitions around the world. I met with them at their training ground in Sale where I talked to team captain Matt Whiteley, coach Elaine Vassie and players Dave Lacey, Gareth Longley and Alex Smith, where I hoped to find out more about what they had coming up, which included such things as the Union and Bingham cups, whether the team had ever experienced any negative reactions towards them and to get a general insight into what it was like being both gay and in an openly gay rugby team.

So are you excited with what's coming up with the union cup in Amsterdam?

Gareth - Yeah its going to be a great opportunity for us to get away and see some of the other gay teams and play in a competition that's quite difficult but quite fun afterwards with all of the other gay teams so yeah I'm really looking forward to it. 

Matt - Absolutely its always good fun going on tour with the boys and I think Amsterdam should have some of its own fun to show us so I think the tour itself will be pretty amazing, and there's the rugby side of it as well you know every two years you get together with all the other European teams so we've got a point to prove, we kind of want to come out on top on the pitch and then have a bloody good time as well.

Elaine - Yeah absolutely.

And how are you training for that?

Elaine - Well we are towards the end of the season at the moment so we've been working a lot on the structure we want to put in place for the union cup in terms of how they play so just developing some of the strategies so looking at what works well for us at the moment and hopefully exploit that a little bit more, and getting the lads to use those scenarios and those calls so that when we hit the union cup hopefully we are on the front foot.

Dave - The main training will come after we finish the season so in a couple of weeks time, and we will train two maybe three times a week, it's a good opportunity to do something a bit different from what we've done during the year, we don't get to play any gay teams during the season so it's a bit of a chance to let our hair down, not too much because there is rugby to play but it's a chance of winning a bit of silverware as well. 

So do you play gay teams or straight teams?

Dave - No we play straight teams during the season then the cup competitions that we play, the union and Bingham cup are gay teams.

Alex I've heard you've had a lot to do with getting the Bingham cup brought to Manchester can you tell me about that?

Alex - The Bingham cup is the gay rugby world championship its about a thousand players, 35 teams its one of the largest amateur rugby events in the world its held every two years and we started bidding for it three years ago. We were bidding against Sydney and unlike Manchester's bid for the Olympics which was up against Sydney we won the bid for the Bingham cup so its coming here to Manchester in 2012.

Are you all excited and looking forward to it?

Alex - Yeah I'm very excited about it but I'm also apprehensive, we've got a lot of work to do to get everything in place to put it on.

Dave - Yeah it'll be really nice to have a home Bingham cup, we've travelled a fair bit in the past, the first one I played in was London which wasn't too bad, then it was New York and then Dublin and then last year it was Minneapolis, so we do get around.

Matt - Yeah the Bingham cup will be amazing its such a massive event, you're talking about a thousand rugby players from 15 different countries and thirty odd different clubs all coming to Manchester so it's a massive event and I'm really pleased to be having it in the city, it was a lot of hard work winning the bid so we've got to make sure we put on an amazing event, on and off the field so we've got lots of entertainment and kind of amazing things lined up for the people who come and for spectators and then the team, we need to make sure we go out there and perform and do as well as we can you know. We're are really looking for a top four finish if not to take home a bit of silverware.

Alex, you said there's still a lot to get sorted, what do you have to get done before the Bingham cup?

Alex - We've got to do all sorts of things, we've got to get venues booked for opening and closing parties, we have to get playing fields booked we have to get referees, we have to get sponsorship, we have to get a website for everyone to register on, so a lot of these things are in plan and all of these things are starting to come together, so there's a lot work but we're really lucky we've got a lot of support from a lot of the tourist organisations here in Manchester and in particular we've got a lot of support from the RFU who are very interested in helping put on an event of this size.

As a gay team playing straight teams have you ever experienced any issues from any of their supporters or players?

Dave - Very minor stuff probably when we were in the tougher league a couple of seasons ago, two and a half seasons ago but nothing, generally rugby is a pretty tolerate sport we tend not to get anything. I think it definitely seems an incentive when they play us because nobody wants to get beaten by the poofs but you generally find they're pretty sound after a game.

Gareth - There's the occasional bit of banter but most of it is made in jest, there are occasionally one or two individuals on teams that do make it a bit more than that, especially when they get frustrated and they're losing to us they might say things like we're not losing to this bunch of poofs or what ever, but we don't take it in any malice really. Unless anybody is homophobic to us we don't make an issue of it and most teams really receive us quite well in the league and we've been playing in the league now for over five/six years so most of them know who we are and aren't really that bothered and just want to play rugby.

Matt - Not really no, you get a little bit of banter but you'd expect that what ever team you were on, you know if I was big and tall or short and fat or something like that I'd expect someone to be saying something to me, you know there's always going to be a bit of banter and most of it's in good humour, I think there have been a couple of very isolated incidents  over the 11 years which probably crossed the line but nothing I'm going to start crying about to be honest. I think teams we play against now know that we're about the rugby and that we're about being competitive and beating them at their own game,  I think increasingly over time there's become less of a problem.

Is there any thing you would like to say to any young people who want to join sports teams but feel they can't because of their sexuality?

Dave - You just have to make an effort, it can be really nerve racking and quite embarrassing to start with I know when I first came down I was looking for a gay football team but there wasn't anything and I didn't know anything about rugby, some would argue I still don't. I just stumbled upon the Spartans website and thought I'll go down came along and it was very very nerve racking but you kind of start to get to know people and you get over it pretty quickly, you meet some great people along the way and it's a chance to be a part of something which a lot of gay lads wont really have been used to, certainly not when I was in school. I just found I was in my early thirties and thought I'd like to do some team sport, stumbled across the Spartans and its seven years now. It's a bit frightening but its very very good, it's a chance to be part of something kind of a bit bigger than you usually get the opportunity to.

Gareth - Yeah I played rugby from being a teenager up until about 18 and then I went to university and I stopped playing at university because I came out and I didn't think being gay was conducive to playing rugby at the same time, and I think just try and get involved with a gay club if you're not happy about going to a straight team. We are very supportive it's good fun and a great way to meet new people and if you love rugby just get involved, and that goes for most sports as well there are gay clubs throughout the country doing things from squash and tennis all the way through to rugby and wrestling, so get involved.

Matt - I think it can be a pretty life changing experience. It's being part of a team sports environment, it's a massive amount of fun, the social side of it is brilliant, if you enjoy sport then you'll definitely enjoy playing rugby.

Have you enjoyed your time on the team?

Matt - Absolutely yeah, well I've been captain for 6 of them so I guess I must enjoy it some way or the other.

Gareth - Yeah it's the best thing I've done since moving to Manchester. I moved to Manchester not knowing any gay people at all and then I joined the club and instantly I had 30,40,50 friends to go out with on a weekend and also play rugby with which is the main reason I joined.

Alex - Oh yeah absolutely it's a major part of my life I really enjoy it, my partner is also involved he's the finance director for the Bingham cup 2012 he also plays in tournaments etc so yeah it's a major part of our lives and yeah I'll be honest I absolutely adore it.

Dave - Yeah, definitely.

Elaine - Yeah, I love it they're great bunch of lads.

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