No, You Cannot Borrow a Cigarette

Originally published on www.huffingtonpost.co.uk

As someone who smokes I am aware that I annoy a copious amount of people on a daily basis, whether it's because I unintentionally get smoke in their face, trust me I've been coughed at countless times despite the fact the person who is offended it stood about 20 foot behind me, or because I'm getting in their way as I try to light a ciggie in a crowded high street, and then there are those who just generally look down on me because of the dirty disgusting habit that they hate.

Yes I am aware that it is dirty and disgusting but at the same time I am addicted, in the same way that alcoholics are addicted to drinking or crack addicts are addicted to crack, and in most cases in the same way I'm addicted to eating like the pasty scoffing moaners who look down on me as they hastily try to make their way to Greggs only to be blocked by me and my annoying craving.

However us smokers also have a number of hates when it comes to other smokers, yes we get annoyed by the fact that non-smokers continue to moan about the smell even though we are stood outside huddled amongst some questionable people trying to get some warmth whilst the British weather hammers us with rain, wind, snow or all three at any given time. But that aside the biggest hate I find that comes with being a smoker is the exasperating question that is regularly asked "can you lend me a cigarette?"

Well quite frankly the answer to that question is no. It seems that other smokers who may have left theirs at home, can't afford to buy any or just don't want to smoke their last one quite yet, feel that as a fellow smoker I have a moral obligation to give them a cigarette because I can feel their pain. Yes I can feel your pain and I myself have felt it, but I wouldn't approach someone who is minding their own business in the street and ask for one of their fags, and then hurl abuse at them when they say they can't give you one.

Firstly I would not be lending said cigarette as I will probably never see you again in my life, therefore you will not be giving me one back in the foreseeable future, so what you really want to know is can you have a cigarette. The answer by the way is still no. Also at about £7 a pop for 20 fags that works out as 35p for one, which at the moment is frankly too much money to waste on someone I do not know.

This apparent 'moral obligation' that should be shared amongst smokers where the giving of cigarettes to strangers should be done freely does not apply to anything else though. For example I am a human, which mean I need food and water to survive and on many occasions I have been starving whilst walking past people eating, yet if I was to approach someone and ask them for a chip, a bite of their sandwich or a sip of their drink I would probably be looked at in disgust and given abuse in the same way I'm given abuse when I refuse to give someone a fag, because this is deemed as socially unacceptable, unlike the handing out of cigarettes.

This then brings me to the biggest annoyance of a smoker, the social smoker. Yes we have all encountered them at some point during our smoking life, a non-smoker who has had too much to drink and thinks they will look 'cool' with a ciggie hanging out of their mouth. Now we all had to start smoking somewhere, which probably happened when a friend who smokes gave us a fag, but these people don't smoke, won't smoke and probably look down on smokers during the daytime when they are stone cold sober. They also haven't ran out of fags on their night out prompting them to ask to have one of yours because they never brought any with them. This everyone is the most annoying, either you smoke or you don't, you cannot just decided to smoke on a whim on a night out and take everyone else's.

So next time you get annoyed whilst looking at a smoker, just stop and think about how annoyed they are at other smokers, social smokers and those who look down on them, because they are probably more annoyed than you, which is most likely the reason why they need a fag in the first place.

Britain: The bipolar nation

Originally posted on www.huffingtonpost.co.uk

If you haven't already noticed this week has seen a mass of snow descend upon the entire of the UK, and to say it has been met with a mass of mixed and somewhat strange responses would be an understatement.

Throughout the month of December during the build up to Christmas most people for some reason like the famous song says dream of a white Christmas only to be met with grave disappointment when once again all we get is heavy rain, wind and freezing cold temperatures. We then have to endure the disappointment that these people spread through social media about how gutted they are. Lets be honest we haven't actually had a white Christmas in quite some time as we all know here in the UK it won't actually come until January or February just like it has done in recent years, and given how bad it has been recently you wonder why people do get so excited.

Well as usual January has come along and the snow has come out in full force to put a stop to everything that we would usually do on a day to day basis, you have to wonder how people in countries such as Russia or Norway cope with the amount of snow they get throughout the year, I mean you never hear about those countries coming to a complete stand still do you?

Well I must say that I am probably one of the only people who dislikes snow and I've stuck to this for a long time, so much so that when it did fall last week I came close to avoiding my Facebook, Twitter and especially my Instagram account due to the number of tweets, status updates and pointless pictures of snow covered cars there were, as if people think I can't actually look out of my window and see it for myself.

So what does Britain do during this time, apart from updating their entire friend list about every snowy step they take? Well after the initial few hours of excitement as it falls where they throw face destroying lumps of ice at each other in the form of snowballs, build snowmen that never look like the ones in films as they have some type of road attached to them and enjoy the novelty that is snow, they soon turn from happy snow dancing hippies in a cynical moaning bipolar country that hates snow and never wants to see it again.

Yes we all know what happens, two days later when it begins to turn to suspiciously yellow and brown looking slush and ice the country panic buys every loaf of bread and pint of milk that's around because there's the possibility they may get snowed in. This for a start ruins everything for normal people as you can't have a cup of tea or a piece of toast as someone somewhere is sat with a panic room filled with bread and milk that will expire long before the snow has finally left our streets.

Now they're all sat there moaning that the snow won't leave, they can't get to work because it would probably be an 8 hour trek to get there, which in some cases means no pay and are anxiously praying to the Facebook and Twitter gods for it to go away. In other words they are finally realising why I hate snow in the first place and never wanted it to come.

It's not just snow that endures this but summer as well. You've probably seen some of these ex-snow lovers now praying for some warmth and sun, who are now saying they can't wait for summer. Well we all know what will happen in the summer, everyone will be excited about the sun but then moan about it two days later because it's too hot and the heat of their work office is getting too much for them. This is coming from a country where people will pay hundreds and hundreds of pounds to go to Spain for two weeks.

Lets just face it, no one in this country is ever happy, if we could save the economy from our ability to want something and then continue to moan about how much we hate it when we've got it we would never have entered a recession in the first place, in fact we'd probably be the most powerful country there is.

So for now we will just have to suck it up and deal with the snow and wait for it to go so we can be happy, that is until next year when everyone wets themselves with excitement at the first sight of a flake of snow. There's just no winning.